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mother and daughter talking

How to Improve Mother Daughter Relationship In 3 Simple Steps

If you are looking for ways to learn how to improve mother daughter relationship, then this article is for you.

Broken mother-daughter relationships are a common problem in our society today. Many mothers and daughters have issues communicating with each other. The good news is that there are many things we can do to help mend the broken relationship between mothers and their daughters.

Continue to read this entire article if you want to build a strong, healthy relationship between mother and daughter.

mother and daughter smiling

1. Think About the Type of Relationship You Have

The very first thing that you need to do when trying to improve your mother-daughter relationship is to observe: think about why you are thinking about how to improve mother daughter relationship.

Do you have an unhealthy relationship? Is it a poor relationship? Maybe it's a strained relationship, or maybe you've always had a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship.

Or perhaps you have a special bond together and the current relationship between the two of you is actually working out well and you are just looking for ways to improve it.

Regardless of what type of relationship you have, you must be able to identify it before you can begin to work on improving it.

This is how you can identify the type of mother-daughter relationship you have:

Start with yourself

Once you know what kind of relationship you have with your mother, you will need to take some time to reflect on yourself. What has caused you to think about how to improve mother daughter relationship?

Ask yourself: Why am I so concerned with how to improve mother-daughter relationships? What does my mother mean to me? What would be an ideal mother-daughter relationship like?

These questions may seem silly at first, but they really will help you get started on the right path.

They will help you get a better understanding of what is going on inside of you. Once you understand where you're coming from, you'll be able to make changes that will benefit both of you.

Identify your needs

Next, you need to ask yourself what you need from your mother.

Do you need her approval? Do you need her love? Do you need her understanding? Do you need her support? Perhaps you need someone who will listen to you without judgment.

Whatever it is that you need from your mother, you should try to figure out what she can give to you.

You might find that you need more than one thing from your mother. You might realize you need her love, or maybe you might also need her understanding as well as her approval.

You mustn't try to change your mother into someone who meets all of your needs. Instead, focus on meeting your own needs.

Once you have identified your needs, you will be ready to move forward.

Identify your mother's needs

Now that you know what you need from your mom, you need to figure out what she needs from you.

If you're lucky enough to have a close relationship with your mother, then you probably already know what she wants from you. If not, then you need to start by asking her directly.

Here are some things to consider when asking your mother what she needs from you:

  • What does she expect from you?
  • Does she expect you to be there for her?
  • Does she expect you to care for her?
  • Maybe she needs you to help her financially.

No matter how hard it may seem to talk about her needs, if you want to improve your mother-daughter relationship, you need to do this. Ask her and talk to her openly.

Think about your mother's mental health

Your mother's mental health plays a big role in whether or not you have a good mother-daughter relationship.

If your mother suffers from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or any other mental illness, then you need to pay attention to her condition.

Make sure that you are aware of any symptoms that she may experience and that you are willing to offer her whatever assistance you can.

Identify your strengths and weaknesses

To know what type of relationship you currently have with your mother, it is important to look at the strengths and weaknesses you both have.

This way, you can identify areas where you need improvement.

For example, if you feel that you need to work on being more supportive, then you need to think about why you aren't doing that.

Maybe you've been too busy to spend time with your mother. Or perhaps you haven't had much contact with her because you were working long hours.

By identifying your strengths and weaknesses, you can use them to build a stronger relationship with your mother.

Look at your family history

This is another area where you need to take note of. If you notice that your mother has a difficult relationship with her parents, then you need to make an effort to understand why.

Perhaps you could learn something from their experiences, or maybe you could even try not to emulate their behaviors if you consider yourself to be like them.

You might also want to ask your mother about her childhood. Perhaps she was raised by abusive parents. This would explain, for example, why she doesn't trust people easily. In addition, you should also ask her about her siblings. Are they still alive? Do they live nearby? How often do you see them?

All of these questions can help you better understand your mother and you'll be able to better relate to her.

Consider your mother-daughter attachment model

There are many attachment models out there. Some mothers are very affectionate towards their children while others don't show much interest. Some are more interested in teaching than listening and so on.

Your mother may have a different attachment style than you.

So, before you decide to change anything, you need to find out which one works best for her.

Ask her what kind of mother she wants to be. You can also tell her what you'd prefer. You can also ask your mother about her childhood. She will likely tell you stories about her upbringing. You can use those stories as a starting point to discuss your childhood.

In addition, you can read books about attachment theory. These books will teach you how to interact with your mother in ways that will benefit both of you.

Take responsibility for your actions

Let's face it: you are an adult now and you need to take full responsibility for your actions.

When you act like an adult, you show your mother that you respect her. This means taking charge of your life and making decisions based on what you believe is best for you.

You mustn't blame others for your problems. You need to accept that you are responsible for your happiness.

This way, when you're having trouble, you won't turn to your mother for support. Instead, you will seek out professional help.

In conclusion, improving your mother-daughter relationship requires you to put some thought into things. You need to be proactive and take action to change things.

However, this process isn't easy. It takes time and patience. But if you keep trying, you'll eventually find success.

Once you've done all of this, you'll be able to move on to the next step to create a healthier mother-daughter relationship.

mother and daughter farming

2. Work Together on the Relationship Difficulties

Once you have a clear diagnosis of the type of mother-daughter relationship you have, you will need to start working on making it better.

This means that you will need to talk to her about the areas to improve in the relationship or potential barriers that could lead to mother-daughter conflict.

Think about why you're trying to improve your relationship with your mother. Are you doing it because you feel bad about something you did in the past? Or are you doing it because you want to show her that you care about her?

Either way, you need to keep these things in mind while talking to her.

Create new rules for your mother-daughter relationship

If you're not sure where to begin, then you should think about creating new rules for your mother-daughter relationship. There are two main types of rules: positive and negative.

Positive rules focus on providing structure and guidance in your mother's life as well as yours. They allow her to know what to expect from you and they give her a sense of security.

Negative rules focus on avoiding certain behaviors. For example, you might say "Don't yell at me."

You can also set up boundaries for yourself. If you do something wrong, you can apologize and explain what happened. Then you can make amends by offering to do something nice for your mother.

Make time for your mother

Another thing you need to do to work together on your mother-daughter relationship difficulties is to spend more time together.

You will never be able to sort through your issues with your mother if you don't spend quality time with her. So, make sure that you schedule regular times to hang out.

These times should include activities such as going shopping, watching movies, or just hanging out at home.

Talk about your feelings

The last step you need to take before moving forward with your mother-daughter relationship is to talk about your feelings.

Talking about how you feel is an important part of any healthy relationship. However, it's especially important when dealing with your mother.

When you talk about your feelings, you'll be able to get to the root of the problem. This will help you figure out how to solve the issue.

Once you start to work together on building a stronger mother-daughter relationship, you can move on to the next step which is the most important of all: communication.

3. Focus On Effective Communication

Finally, effective and honest communication is one of the most important aspects of any mother-daughter relationship.

If you are not able to communicate effectively with your mother, then you will never be able to improve your mother-daughter relationship.

Effective communication includes:

  • Listening
  • Understanding
  • Responding appropriately
  • Being honest, kind, and open with each other
  • Focusing on the positive attributes of the other person

Also, always remember that honest communication is safe communication.

You want to have a strong bond with your mother as well as a fulfilling relationship and the only way to do so is by being honest and open with each other.

This way you will be able to overcome any kind of relationship difficulties that may make a hostile relationship out of your mother-daughter relationship and you will also be able to build a healthy bond.

working mom and daughter

Frequently Asked Questions

Here are some of the most common questions we receive about how to improve mother daughter relationships:

What is a toxic mother-daughter relationship?

A toxic mother-daughter relationship is one where there is constant conflict between the two people. The conflict usually stems from unresolved issues between them.

In a normal mother-daughter relationship, both parties respect each other and try to understand their differences.

In a toxic mother-daughter relationship, neither party respects the other. Instead, they blame each other for problems in the relationship. They argue about everything, including how much time they spend together.

The daughter may feel that her mother doesn’t care about her or what she wants. She feels like her mother only cares about herself and has no interest in spending time with her.

The mother may feel that her daughter isn’t interested in anything but partying and hanging out with friends, and so on.

If you feel like you have a toxic mother-daughter relationship, don't hesitate to seek help. There are many ways to deal with this situation.

How does a mother influence her daughter’s behavior?

There are many ways mothers can influence their daughters' behaviors. Some of these ways include:

  • Mothers who yell often teach their children to yell. When this happens, the child learns to use anger as a tool to express his/her emotions.
  • Mothers who are critical and judgmental show their children what bad behavior looks like. They also teach their children to judge others based on appearance.
  • Mothers who don't discipline their children often teach their children to disobey rules.
  • Mothers who ignore their children often teach their kids to become self-centered.
  • Mothers who are too busy to spend time with their children often teach their daughters to neglect themselves.

Those are only a few examples of how mothers can influence their daughters. There are many more ways mothers can influence their children's behavior.

How can I set boundaries and expectations in my mother-daughter relationship?

To set boundaries and expectations in any kind of relationship, it is very important to know yourself first.

You need to figure out what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. Once you know what you are comfortable with, you can start setting those boundaries and expectations with your mother.

For example, if you feel uncomfortable when your mother talks about her ex-husband or her past mistakes, then you should tell her that you don't want to talk about those things. If she doesn't listen to you, then you can end the conversation. You can even say something like "I'm sorry but I really don't want to hear about all of that right now."

If you feel uncomfortable talking about certain topics with your mother, you can simply avoid those topics altogether but always be clear about why you are avoiding those topics.

For example, if you feel like your mom is gossiping about someone behind your back, you could simply say something like "Mom, I don't want to talk to you about that because I think you're gossiping about someone else."

Setting boundaries and expectations is an ongoing process.

It takes practice to get better at it. But once you have established those boundaries, you will find that your mother will respect you more and your relationship will improve.

What do I do when my mother starts criticizing me?

When your mother criticizes you, she might feel like she is trying to help you.

However, criticism is never helpful. Criticism makes us defensive and we tend to lash out at our parents instead of listening to them.

Instead of getting angry, try to understand where your mother is coming from. Try to see things from her perspective. Ask questions such as "Why did you say that?" or "What would you have said instead?".

Try to look for the positive side of the situation.

For example, if your mother says something negative about your weight, ask her "What would you rather me do? Would you prefer that I lose weight or that I eat healthily?"

Try to keep calm and remember that your mother loves you. She just wants the best for you.

Why is my relationship with my mother difficult?

There are many reasons why people have difficult relationships with their mothers. Some of them include:

  • Your mom didn’t provide enough love and attention to you growing up
  • They were too strict and controlling
  • They were emotionally unavailable
  • They were physically abusive
  • They had unrealistic expectations of you

Whatever the case may be, there's no reason to stay stuck in a negative relationship with your mom. So focus on what you can do to fix the situation instead of what you cannot control.

How do I get over the fear of disappointing my mom?

Fear of disappointing your mother is normal. However, when you constantly worry about disappointing her, you will end up feeling anxious and stressed out.

If you are worried that your mom might not like the way you look or act, then it’s time to take a step back and think about what you want for yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself, how can you expect others to? You need to find ways to make yourself happy so that you can be at peace with who you are.

You can also ask yourself why you are afraid of disappointing your mother. Is it possible that you are actually afraid of losing her approval?

If this is true, then you should work on improving your self-esteem. Start by doing small things every day that make you proud of yourself. For example, go to the gym, cook healthy meals, read books, etc.

Also, if you want to overcome this fear, start by asking yourself these 3 questions:

  1. What am I afraid of?
  2. Why do I feel this way?
  3. How does this affect my life?

Once you start answering these questions, you will realize that you aren't really afraid of disappointing your mother after all. Instead, you are afraid of being unhappy because you are afraid of losing her approval.

So, stop worrying about pleasing your mother and start focusing on making yourself happy. This will give you the confidence you need to live a happier life and, ultimately, improve your mother-daughter relationship.

What should I say to my mom to improve our relationship?

The best thing you can do to improve your relationship with her is to listen to her and understand where she's coming from. You don't necessarily have to agree with her, but if you want to improve the bond between the two of you, you need to try to understand what she's going through.

Talk to her, ask her questions about her life and be open to hearing her side of the story.

Also, try to avoid arguing with her. Arguing doesn't solve anything and only makes things worse.

Remember that your mom has been through a lot in her lifetime. She probably went through some tough times as well. It would be nice if you could show her compassion and understanding.

Remember to focus on effective communication and honesty. These two qualities are essential to building a good mother-daughter relationship.

And finally, follow each part of the steps above and you'll be sure to find ways to improve your relationship with both your mother and yourself.


The key how to improve mother daughter relationship is to focus on strengthening your bond with her. You can start by learning all you can about her.

Then, you can talk to her about your feelings and needs. Finally, you can support each other through life's challenges. Remember, as long as you both work together to strengthen your bond, you will be able to achieve a happy mother-daughter relationship.

We hope that our article has helped you understand how to improve mother daughter relationships and wish you the very best.

Good luck!


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